Thursday, March 4, 2010

Good vs. Evil

Left or right, spoon or fork, drink or bread? Sometimes I think it is impossible to remember proper table etiquette. But during a very interesting lunch conversation with my coworkers, I found out that everyone has their own nutty yet clever ways of remembering how to set a table.

For instance, one individual looks at these utensils as good and evil. Yes, thats right, the defenseless spoon must protect himself from the wicked fork. To do so, he must depend on his buddy the knife to protect him by laying on the same side of the table as the spoon but between the plate and terrible fork. I can only imagine the battle reenactments from this individual at the dinner table as a child. Dinner would have been so much fun! I'm kind of jealous I didn't come up with this fantasy world myself.

Now another very interesting way to remember where to place your drink in relation to your bread and plate is by holding your index finger to your thumb on both hands. By making this motion, you are creating a 'b' and a 'd' with your hands respectively representing 'bread' and "drink". Very clever my friend, very clever.

I have to admit that my measly "I'm right handed so more utensils go on the right side" is looking pretty weak compared to these other recollections, but I can now combine all of these ridiculous table setting rituals together and always have a very proper table landscape, and a good laugh.

Feel free to add to the shenanigans! How do you remember how to set the table?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I came across a very unfortunate word today: SNOWACANE. What is a snowacane one might ask? Please, let me enlighten you...

"The same storm that brought a gentle snowfall across Texas on Tuesday will reach the Northeast in the form of an atmospheric monster with damaging winds, blinding snow, torrential rain, huge waves and flooding.

In the hardest-hit areas, it will seem more like a snowacane, as a mere blizzard may not adequately describe conditions of this soon-to-be powerful nor'easter."

WTF! Seriously!? The day after I buy a last minute flight from NYC back to Ohio they decide to announce something so horrible they have to come up with a whole new name for it? They might have well said "Shannon, why would you ever think that it would be ok to buy a last minute ticket in February during the snowiest winter in years. Nice try kido, but next time try not to be so spontaneous. Thanks. Love, SNOWACANE."

Wish me luck! And lets just hope they are over exaggerating a bit...

Oh, and a special shout out to my dear "friend" Bethany for not paying attention to her roomie when he was very loudly explaining this weather event yesterday giving her ample time to warm me of my impulsive purchase ;)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Cluck Cluck Cluck

Just when I thought that it was finally safe, and all of the temptations of the Valentine holiday had finally disappeared, they had to bring out my biggest weakness of all….


It’s just not fare, I can’t help myself at the checkout counter. I have to pick up at least one every time I’m standing in line…why can't they just hide them at the back of the store so I'm not so damn tempted!

I have to admit that one of my favorite memories of this little piece of heaven isn't actually eating way too many of them on Easter morning as a child, but instead the 90's commercials that features a little white bunny who clucks like a chicken. Easter time just wouldn't not be the same without that little guy.

Advertising at its finest!

P.S. I might also be partial to this furry creature as he resembles my bunny as a child, Charlotte Rose. You might question her name, but at least I didn't call her Bunny. Charlotte's Web may or may not have been my favorite book at the time :)

Saturday, January 30, 2010

You're killing me smalls!

Ham Porter: Hey, you want a s'more?

Smalls: Some more of what?

Ham Porter: No, do you want a s'more?

Smalls: I haven't had anything yet... so how can I have some more of nothing?

Ham Porter: You're killing me, Smalls! These are s'mores stuff. Okay, pay attention. First you take the graham. You stick the chocolate on the graham. Then, you roast the mallow. When the mallow's flaming, you stick it on the chocolate. Then you cover it with the other en

Best part of being sick? No one can judge you for laying in bed and watching movies for days straight! I love The Sandlot. Mmmmmm, I want a s'more :)

NyQuil: 1 Me: 0

Why do medicine companies make it so damn hard to open medication?? They package pills as if it’s some sort of nuclear weapon that you have to open with such precision and skill only a spinal surgeon can achieve such as a task. Take last night for instance, it was 3 in the morning and I woke up feeling as if I was going to die. I reach over to my night stand where I’m currently housing what looks like my entire medicine cabinet, and grab the NyQuil. Now you’d think the makers of such a miracle drug would be smart enough to put their medication in an easily accessible package; but they aren’t. First you have to tear the two green pills away from their other pill friends. Now, they have perforated the packaging so that it looks as if this isn’t a hard task, but don’t let this fool you. You must fold this perforated area back and forth about 100 times before it becomes even remotely close to being able to tear (not to mention that I am so weak at this point I would probably have a hard time tearing a tissue). Then, once you have the two pills separated from the others, you now have to miraculously remove the silver lining before you are able to push the pills through. This for me is the trickiest part of the process. After about 20 attempts of finding a corner in which I can peel back, a few cuss words, and Marc waking up and asking me what’s wrong, I am finally able to open and take my medication. Sometimes I swear there is a hidden camera somewhere in my bedroom with someone who is about to jump out and yell ‘You’ve just been punked!’ It's just cruel! Screw you NyQuil for kicking me when I was already down!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Fiddler on the Roof

“Well, somebody has to arrange the matches,
Young people can't decide these things themselves.

She might bring someone wonderful, someone interesting, well off, and important!

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match!!”

Ok, so maybe I’m not as much a matchmaker as I am a wingman, but this was definitely my role for the weekend. Three for three in one night with my girlfriends! I’m just going to come out and say it, I’m AWESOME!

A few memorable quotes from all of the shenanigans…

S: Alright, we need a plan.

B: Well, normally I would just wear a lower cut shirt but obviously that isn’t an option.

(There may or may not have been an attempt to lower ones cardigan before initiating said plan)

SK: I just bumped into a poll and apologized….

(She claims to be completely sober since she was drinking water all night, but I think she may have still been drunk from our little escapade the night before.)

J: I should wear sweats to the bar more often.

(J was a trooper and came to the bar after her indoor soccer game, I think her sporty glow and bandana is what helped her land her hottie!)

Please look out for my new reality show this fall on Bravo, Media Girls Matchmaker! :)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Television helps me lose weight??

Alright, I have to admit I’ve been on a bit of sabbatical as of late, but I’m back! And with some interesting insight if I do say so myself.

I have recently discovered that my obsession with television has indeed had a direct positive effect on my weight. That’s right, because I love to watch television and have become a loyal fan to so many new shows I have recently started losing weight. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering how me watching massive amounts of television can have any positive physical effect to my body but let me enlighten you.

Since Time Warner Cable sucks and only allows for you to record two shows at a time (yes Mom and Dad, I’m extremely jealous of your unlimited recording ability with AT&T) and I can’t justify having a DVR in the living room and bedroom that are only inches from each other, my viewing abilities have become somewhat limited. My solution; record as many shows as possible and watch what I can’t record at the gym! My new couch has become the elliptical/treadmill/bike downstairs at the gym in my building! Every night after work I now plan my evening by checking the guide on my television and deciding what time I need to arrive at the gym so there are no conflicts on my DVR. Also, since most of the shows are an hour long I end up working out longer than I usually would and time goes by so fast. It’s great!

Not only do I not miss any of my favorite shows, I also get to enjoy what my neighboring treadmill buddy is watching as well! Which just so happened to be the Ohio State vs. Perdue basketball game last night I would have otherwise not been aware of. I had the best of both worlds; listening to the premiere of American Idol on my television while creeping on my neighbor and watching the bball game. I have to admit that the Buckeyes started doing so well that they trumped Idol and I did eventually switch the game to my television to watch them come back and win! (How ‘bout Turner and those Buckeyes!!?)

Anyway, my advice to all you TV lovers out there is to get off your couch and head to the gym. Watching television can turn into a healthy lifestyle!